Monthly Archives: August 2016

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It Can’t Be Just About You

In response to last week’s blog post, a woman encouraged me to continue this message of unapologetic success and shared her experiences of battling against media and society along her professional journey.  Additionally,  I was encouraged by the number of responses and comments I received through each of the social media platforms.  For that  – I thank you.  Your comments and feedback remind me this message is greater than me, and it is needed.  So we will take this taboo subject and make it streamline – together!

On the home page tag line of SuccessWithoutApology you, “I don’t apologize for success or failure,” This is an intentional statement, and I mean it.  More importantly I want you to adopt the tagline in your life.  It may seem radical for me, a believer, to tout a refusal to apologize.  This is not a rude, snotty statement, but a radically honest and pointed attitude I am hoping more women will adopt.  While there are many reasons for this personal statement, a video I recently watched reminded me of the biggest reason of all…. it isn’t just about me. Screenshot 2016-08-29 10.52.16

Just as the saying goes, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”  I believe today’s failure may very well be tomorrow’s foundation for success.  As a small business owner I have had failures.  As an athlete I did not always win.  As an employer, sometimes I make bad managerial decisions.  I have entered into bad partnerships, spent too much outsourcing services, tried to do too much on my own, and even lost money to a point where bankruptcy was an option (that I did not take).  But I believe each of those hurdles, challenges, and failures have built the foundation for the business professional I am becoming each day.

I am so thankful for the foundation others have laid before me so I have the right to make mistakes.  I have the right to be a female business owner. I have the right to succeed and fail.  For their sacrifices and their hard work, I am able to do so without apology.  From the 300 activists who gathered in Seneca Falls, NY in 1848 to call for equal treatment of women and men and voting rights for women, to my Mom who has balanced motherhood with being a ranchers wife and successful business owner over the years, to the teenage girls who have dreams bigger than Texas, I am thankful.

As a tribute to the women who came before me, I choose not to apologize for my success or failure. Imagine being one of the 300 activists, like Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott, who signed the Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions in 1848, hoping to one day vote and be treated equally, yet never to see their dream come to fruition.  Seventy-two years after the Seneca Falls Convention, the 19th Amendment, which gives women the right to vote, is ratified. Only one person who had signed the convention’s Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions, Charlotte Woodward, was alive and able to exercise her right to vote.  #ItCantBjustAboutYou

It is my hope to see the fruits of my labor, as I try to improve society’s view of successful women.  It is my plea for you to stop apologizing when you earn a higher degree, raise healthy and successful children whom you are proud of, and own possessions you have earned through hard work.  When you have something bigger than yourself to drive you – there is no excuse.  There is no pain you cannot overcome and no criticism or judgement you cannot withstand.  #StayFocused #SuccessWithoutApology

 

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Inner Success, Outward Success, Uncategorized

Beyonce’ Sings My Thoughts

 

Sometimes my thoughts come out in Beyonce’s songs and I am not sure how that happens.  Most recently, her song Flawless, brashly and aggressively paints the picture of our twisted support of successful women.  Here are a few of the lyrics that were PG enough for me to post.

We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girlsImage_woman_shame
“You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man”

Society wants women to be successful, but not so successful they outshine men, hmmm. We all know this.  We may not want to know this – but we do. We, ambitious women, know it before we are able to articulate it. Academic research, to a certain extent, confirms our instincts.  And a great blog post , written by Rebecca Ruiz earlier this year, confirms no one is immune to these cultural barriers, not even world famous celebrities like Taylor Swift.

With the actions of Kanye and other male chauvinist men aside, why are women, like me and you, not taking credit for our day-to-day accomplishments? Why do women not receive the necessary credit for their own success?  In a single word: Judgement.  We want the success, but the judgement is real and it hurts.  So we deflect the success and the credit to avoid the judgement.

I was sitting around visiting with friends when a woman shared with me that she does not ever mention the fact that she earned a law degree around her work peers because in her experience if she has mentioned it, she felt judged and almost shunned her for her higher education.  #ItsRealPeople #WomenJudgeWomen

How do we stop the judgement?  It starts with us! We must stop judging each other.  Here are two scenarios and I want you to see yourself listening in each conversation.

Scenario 1: You are in town for a couple days and decide to catch up with an old college girlfriend. When she talks about her career and the travel required for her job, how do you respond?  What questions come to mind to ask her or to further the conversation?  Admit it, you want to ask if she ever sees her children, or how her husband handles being home alone so much.  You may even ask, how do possibly get any rest?

Scenario 2: Have you ever sat across from a man who talked of his success and thought to ask him how his wife felt about having to be the sole parent while he traveled?   No, more likely, you thought, wow he must make great money.  I bet his wife and kids are set and don’t have to work.  That’s more “normal.”

I have been guilty of this for decades, and I am committed to stop judging.  I know women can succeed and they can accept the credit for their hard work, without feeling guilty.  Can you accept the credit for your accomplishments, degrees or salary?

When your children show great respect, take credit for great parenting!  When you are told what a great teacher you are, say thank you.  When you lead a team through the execution of a project that earns the company millions of dollars, accept the accolades.  When you earn a huge bonus – gloat.  🙂 Do not shrink yourself.

For our children and for all women who want to succeed after you, please take credit for your success. Little girls and young women need to see women who receive credit for their accomplishments.  Accept the credit, and the judgement for the evolution of our society.

Do it now.  Change begins with you and your time is now.  Steve Jobs has a quote I’d like to use to encourage an urgency. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Follow your heart.  Expect the judgement. Accept the credit. Create a legacy.  #successwithoutapology

 

 

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