Category Archives: Outward Success

Outward Success

You Have Less Margin for Error

Sitting by the pool, traveling, hanging with grandbabies, is this what you envision for retirement? What you may be doing on this Memorial Day weekend holiday, resting, relaxation, or social retreating… 

For men, retirement tends to represent “a final chapter.” 

For women, well, our image of retirement is generally different. It’s freedom. It’s a new chapter, that looks like traveling, hiking, pickleballing, or Ya-Ya’ing with our friends.

Unfortunately, our image for retirement may be farther from a reality than we think. Here are four reasons why:

  1.  Women don’t prioritize planning for retirement as soon as men do. For example, in a 2022 Ellevest Financial Wellness Survey, men said saving for retirement was their #1 financial goal; for women, retirement was #4. #1 was taking care of their family, (#shocker)
  2. One third of women report that they never learned about retirement savings from any sources, which ties back to my theory that we just don’t talk to little girls about business, earning, saving, etc. the way we share with our sons. In my early jobs, no one talked to me about compounding interest or how to approach retirement savings.
  3. We earn less over our careers. Dang it this is still true – each year I write this I am saddened.
  4. Oh and hello, we live longer.

Perhaps it should be no wonder, then, given these facts, that the median 401(k) account for women is 65% lower than men’s.

When our earning power plateaus earlier, yet we live longer, it means we have much less margin for error in planning our retirement, in creating our dream of the “next chapter.”

Hmmm, I would say maybe we should consider getting professional help, professional financial help. Maybe you have hired a financial planner and you are golden, but if not, here are a few resources I use to plan for retirement, my dreamy, relaxing, stress free retirement that is:

  1. My local bank. If you are in a small community or you have a local banker, he or she may be a great resource right at your fingertips to help get yourself a game plan
  2. Ellevest: where 3+ million women invest in their wealth health
  3. Read and study books like Wealth Habits by Candy Valentino
  4. Corporate financial planner at my workplace. If this is a benefit in your comp plan, be sure to use the resource.

Truth: Women, we have less margin for error than men on retirement planning

Truth: Retirement isn’t going to plan itself.

Truth: If you don’t control your own money, you don’t control your own life.  

And I know most of you who read my blog – have slight control issues. So get control of your life and your retirement. 

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Inner Success, Outward Success

Understanding the Three Types of Empathy

It rained and rained and rained some more. It rained so much I was running three dehumidifiers in the house and our wood floors were still buckling. The concrete under my floors was wet, not standing water wet, but damp. The dehumidifiers couldn’t keep up and I was beginning to lose it. No, actually I lost it. On my knees, I was crouched over the buckled wood plank and I was crying – just crying and complaining. I was tired, I was frustrated and I was having a full fledged break down over the situation.

My husband Jason was standing there – trying to figure out what to do, how to help, and I yelled at him. I told him to back off, just let me be, let me sit in my misery. He was at a loss. He just stared at me in full amazement. This was 1 week short of our ten year anniversary and probably the first time he’d ever seen me just cry over “nothing.”

You see, I am just not a very emotional person. When you lose your cool, I become calmer. When you cry I simply don’t. I have never been a very emotional person.

As we came out of COVID, I noticed people seemed angrier and more emotional. The greater emotional displays were talked about by bosses, employees, referees, etc. We spoke with our staff in our small businesses about how customers were so quick to be rude and how we could better respond with empathy, not attitude. Yet when a professional CEO-level woman lashed out at me in a public meeting with intense uninvoked venom, I was shocked. It seemed so extreme for the situation.

Her outburst offered one more opportunity to offer grace, a chance to bite my tongue and hold my tone. Since this was a fellow female peer, I kinda dismissed the outburst and excused her behavior. I blamed it on the stress of her job, COVID-induced emotions and just a bad day.

Other people in the room, however, seemed much more phased by this display of momentary lack of professionalism. They expressed to me their shock, their feelings that her very rude and hurtful outburst was not acceptable. They pointed out that she was clearly no longer a “Rachael fan.” #dangwhathappened

After a few gentle nudges from me and her peers, she agreed to my request for a meeting to discuss the moment, to determine the root cause of the uncharacteristic behavior. What she said to me (or at me really) was pretty gut wrenching. She said she was mad at me and felt that since I had no empathy for others (in her opinion) she no longer trusted, nor liked me. She felt completely justified in dressing me down publicly.

As I shared, I am not an overly emotional person, but I am not unempathetic, nor would my husband or close friends agree with the assessment. However, taking her words to heart I began to research and study empathy. Because trust me, those words did not fall on deaf ears. I was hurt, in a very personal way.

In my research, I learned there are three types of empathy. With the help of my sounding board of friends, I determine my lack of emotionally empathy, is offset by my VERY cognitively empathetic and somewhat compassionately empathetic tendencies.

Here is what I learned about each of three main types of empathy:

  • Emotional empathy: This is the ability to feel the emotions of another person. It involves experiencing the same emotions as the other person, such as sadness, happiness, or anger.
  • Cognitive empathy: This is the ability to understand and share in the feelings of another person. It involves being able to put yourself in their shoes and see the world from their perspective.
  • Compassionate empathy: This is the combination of cognitive and emotional empathy. It involves both understanding and feeling the emotions of another person, and being motivated to help them.

If this makes you curious to learn more, you may check out “A Slight Change of Plans” podcast titled, ” How to Build Empathy and Avoid Burnout.” I found it to be a great podcast on the topic.

Scientists once believed our capacity for empathy remained more or less fixed throughout our lives. But research by Jamil Zaki, a psychology professor at Stanford, finds that empathy is actually a skill we can cultivate.

And cultivating empathy has ebbs and flows in my life based on my ongoing experiences. Empathy has allowed me to connect with others and build strong relationships. It can also completely drain me.

You see when I was in youth ministry, my empathy for the youth drained my soul. I would absorb their hurts, their pains, their trials and tribulations and I experienced burnout and deep sadness. Then in my officiating careeer I learned how to be cognitively empathetic. I would seek to understand WHY the coach was so mad, WHY the player was frustrated, but I could understand and share their feelings without actually feeling them myself and absorbing them.

What I learned from this woman’s evaluation of my empathy, was that she had such limited understanding of me, such little cognitive empathy of me, that she assumed my lack of emotional empathy around the board room table, or the girls group meant I was not empathetic at all. That was not and is not true.

The girlfriends who know me know I am deeply empathetic. They rely on me to hear them, to be open to their experiences and feelings, to be kind and compassionate. They know they can call me day or night, happy or sad and I will hear them – truly hear them.

There are many ways to express and develop empathy. In the podcast I referenced above, Jamil explains that people often are NOT good at all three types, and that empathy is so much more than the emotional empathy.

So you still may not see me cry when you cry or pretend like I “feel” what you feel. But I promise to listen. I promise to use my empathic traits of seeking to understand, of listening and maybe even trying to solve the problem.

And to the lady that made me cry by being mean to me, who told me I was unempathetic, I believe you were transferring your own characteristics to me. You see yourself as someone who has to work to be empathetic. You have probably been told you are not empathetic. And so, when you lashed out at me, I hope you get a chance to study and better understand empathy.

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Admiration, Inner Success, Outward Success

C is For the Courage

Izzo opens today’s blog with an excerpt from Special.

In case nobody told you today
You’re special
In case nobody made you believe (nobody, no, no)
You’re special
Well, I will always love you the same
You’re special
I’m so glad that you’re still with us (So glad, so glad, so glad)
Broken, but damn, you’re still perfect (you’re perfect)

Could you imagine a world
Where everybody’s the same
And you could cancel a girl
‘Cause she just wanted to change?

In case nobody told you today
You’re special
In case nobody made you believe
You’re special

Let me begin by saying “thank you” to the person who sent me this song last week. Secondly, if you are a regular reader of my posts, you will know this one is a very different tone, but I believe it is important -because it is NOT what you expect for me to share.

The first two weeks of February have been emotionally challenging, one that had very low lows, some moderately high highs and then just a bunch of gunk in the gut that makes you feel alone, isolated, and empty. One morning I woke up, went to the home gym to run on the treadmill and instead just sat on it and cried. Cried and asked, what happened? Where did it go wrong? Why? What is next?

It is very rarely that I share the “bad days” with others – not because I don’t have them – I just don’t spend much time dwelling in them. Probably because 99% of the time, I am unequivocally optimist and content. I generally believe everything is figureoutable, as Marie Forleo says. So in the tough times I retreat, solve, and then resurface with my positive, champion-like attitude for the public.

But how do I do it? How do I go from crying on the treadmill to getting dressed and going to a social event to smile and shake hands with friends and foes in a matter of an hour? That is what I want to talk about.

I want to share today because whether it is the loss of a friend, the abandonment of a spouse, or the separation from a job, sometimes emotions just run hard in directions you don’t expect or want. Sometimes you must show up before you are ready, while the rumors are still swirling, and know that this too shall pass and great things are on the horizon. We all experience this. We all have these moments in our life.

As I force myself to write and reflect on the last couple weeks, I reference a blog posts I wrote in 2016,“Crisis Reveals Character” to remind myself that we must reflect when times are tough. We must recognize that our character is being tested, and we choose how to respond. We can choose contentment over displeasure; character over revenge. We choose.

It is when the emotions are high, the decisions impact peoples lives, and friendships are at stake that our character is revealed. It can be so tempting to get caught up in wrong or right, my side or yours, but we are all better served in the long run if we can face our peers the next day with a clear conscience, free of guilt or regrets.

What I know is that character in action often pivots the plot. So how can you build character (even in crisis) that will help you respond or react in a way that you can be proud of when you look back on it years later.

Building character in crisis:

* Be the best “YOU” you can be. Look within and bring out the very best parts of yourself that are unique and special.

* Let the best parts of yourself be so pervasive they take over your personality, your work, your relationships – and every aspect of your life. Let them become the largest parts of yourself.

* Share the best parts of yourself with others. Be willing to show others who you truly are, and you will become a powerful magnet for likeminded people.

* Surround yourself with people who encourage better character actions. Listen to people with admirable character.

* Focus on what you can do for others, rather than what you stand to gain from others.

* Do only that which you can be proud of.

* Have faith that good will ultimately prevail if you stay the course.

As I work through finding and refining the best me I can be, I give thanks:

  • Thank you friends (for the playlists, the texts, the calls, and the unwavering inspiration)
  • Thank you Jason (my husband)
  • Thank you future partners and employers
  • Thank you for the gratitude others showed towards me

And in my eternal optimist sign off – this week will be a great week and I CANNOT WAIT to share some great announcements soon.

Closing lyrics by Carrie Underwood and Ludacris

I am invincible, unbreakable
Unstoppable, unshakeable
They knock me down, I get up again
I am the champion, you’re gon’ know my name
You can’t hurt me now, I can’t feel the pain
I was made for this, yeah, I was born to win
I am the champion, oh

Born champion, Luda
The C is for the courage I possess through the trauma
H is for the hurt, but it’s all for the honor
A is for my attitude working through the patience
Money comes and goes, so the M is for motivation
Gotta stay consistent, the P is for persevere
The I is for integrity, innovative career
The O is optimistic, open and never shut
And the N is necessary ’cause I’m never givin’ up
See, they ask me how I did it, I just did it from the heart
Crushin’ the competition, been doing it from the start
They say that every champion is all about his principles

C is for the courage I possess through the trauma.

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Inner Success, Outward Success

COVID Friendships Are The Best

Imagine the setting…. six friends hanging out in Lake Tahoe for 5 days, hiking, touring, sightseeing, listening to music, barhopping, cooking, cleaning, eating and laughing until tears are shed by everyone. On this 4th of July, I give thanks for living in this great country and I celebrate one of the most beautiful scenes of my life – friendship. Five of us here became the best of friends during COVID, as our little quarantined small group for two plus years. Together we stressed about our businesses, our employees and our friends who lost their battle with the deadly virus. We did what people used to do – we spent time at each other’s dining room table. We cooked together, cleaned together, celebrated, prayed, cried, cheered and commiserated. Three of us even started a business together.

Now here we are, three years into this beautiful friendship, vacationing together. Here I sit with business partners, friends, my lover and people whom I love deeply. Most people wouldn’t understand our dynamic, but together we fiercely fight, competitively play, and shut out the world together. I think I know most of their most embarrassing moments, and they for sure know mine. We are the first to congratulate each other on our accomplishments, the first to capture your hilarious (wish-you-could-forget) moment on the phone for internal circulation and the ones we call when our hearts are broken, whether professionally or personally.

Today, we are doing something else we do really well together. We sit in the same area, not really talking to each other, while we work on our laptops, check our social media feeds and softly touch the one we love that sits next to us. Today is the day we recover from the previous two LONG days of running, hiking, sight-seeing, joke telling, bar hopping and laughing until we cried. Truly – every single one of us has cried from laughing so hard.

As I watch a video this morning that shared the mission and work of an organization called Community Renewal, I think about what the Executive Director shared when he spoke of terrible effects of isolation and loneliness on our world and community. This video triggered the memory of the young lady I met last night in one of our stops in Truckee, California.

This young lady we met last night shared with me that her boyfriend left her, while she was grieving the loss of their baby who lived only one day. Three days in the hospital and she came home to an empty nest. This broken- hearted young lady, that I will call Mo, left the big city and ended up here in this small California town in pursuit of a career in the kitchen as a chef. But when I met her last night it was clear she was lonely. She was afraid of the future. She feared that she was too scarred to ever be loved again. Mo entrusted me with her vulnerability and this morning my heart hurts for her. My heart hurts the most because I know what she is missing. She is missing this thing I have right here on this patio of a VRBO home in Tahoe, the friends who push me to be better, encourage me in my weakness and call me on my bs because they know better.

I gave Mo my business card last night with my usual encouragement that she is good enough and her story is still yet to be written. As I saw the first tear drop down her cheek, she closed the door of story-telling and immediately retracted to the guarded, strong persona she had portrayed leading into the initial encounter. Today I reach out to all the Mo’s of the world — you are good enough. You deserve great friends that walk into your house and help themself in the refrigerator. If you don’t have some friends like mine, start nurturing some today. Go ahead and accept the invite to hang out on someone’s patio, let someone see you vulnerable and accept their encouragement when you don’t even believe what they are saying yet.

Today’s wisdom: Raise your glass if you have friends like mine, and if you don’t raise your standards.

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Inner Success, Outward Success

Dull Women Have Immaculate Houses

In our old country home, outside of Nebo, Oklahoma, my mom had this little sign in the kitchen that said, “dull women have immaculate homes.” I remember this sign vividly. I may remember it because I think immaculate was one of the first “big” words I learned to read and spell. And I loved to read and spell as a child.

Spelling aside, this itty bitty sign with this great big word left a lasting impression on me.

First and foremost, there is not one single person who would ever call my mother dull. And if you know me, just multiply my energy and ambition by ten and you get a glimpse of my mother.

I remember my mom hosting the big annual ranch rodeos, the Olympic games, the Bible studies, and my 13th birthday party at our home. I also remember her selling Tupperware, painting store front windows, catering for hundreds, working concession stands, working the horse sales, and raising us four children. And I believe she held all of those jobs while us kids were between the ages of 2 and 12 years old. She also had all of those entrepreneurial jobs before she opened her own tumbling business and later a travel agency. My mom – as I said – could never be accused of being dull.

Additionally, I also remember my mom leaving us house cleaning lists (ALL THE TIME). haha. My mother kept and still keeps a clean home, counters wiped, floors swept etc. My mom cares about how our house looks and she cares that it was always clean enough for company to arrive.

So why the sign? I look back at this sign today and think about how it was almost an apology for not having a clean enough home. It is like that sign said, please forgive me for being exciting and living a life that prevents me from having the cleanest home possible.

Can we have it all? Do we have to choose one or the other? Is an immaculate home actually an expectation we place on ourselves or the women we know?

I think it is funny because I believe this is an expectation I have placed on myself my whole life. I, like my mother, always want my house to be company-ready. I always want the door to be open, the countertops wiped clean and the bathrooms stocked with clean towels and hand soup. But does that need to come at the expense of living life?

As I ran through my home late last night picking up, wiping cabinets and clearing tables, I reflect – who’s expectations am I meeting? Mine or my guests? Is an immaculate home actually a thing? And since TikTok now knows all of my thoughts, of course in my feed today was a woman telling me the three things I need to have an immaculate home at all times.

After a significant build up of the the type of immaculate home I would love to have she said I needed just these three things to have the perfectly clean home at all times:

No Husband

No Kids

No Pets

Now go ahead and laugh – thats funny, right? But the truth is, dull women may just be the only ones who can have immaculate houses. After 20 years of hiring house cleaners to keep my house clean, should I rethink this ideal expectation?

With a few weeks of time to really think, meditate and reflect I wonder, what other unconscious expectations have I set for myself or others that simply don’t matter.

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Inner Success, Outward Success

Why Abandon Traditional Success

Speaking to university students is one of my favorite and most challenging settings for public speaking. It is my favorite because I want to believe that I still relate to these young people (shhh, don’t tell me if I am living in a dream) and yet it is so challenging because they inevitably ask me a question that I have never before answered publicly.

Tonight was no different. The audience tonight was students who have an “advocacy” minor and may or may not yet know what they want to advocate for. I look at it is an opportunity to challenge students to think about what inspires them and what fuels their passions.

I especially appreciated the student who answered my inquiry of “if you could, what would you advocate for RIGHT NOW?” He answered the way I think I may have at his age, “I am not sure I care enough about anything to advocate for it.” #truth. I graduated college with zero thought of advocating as my future. But as my life journey progressed I found that my passions for women in business would rechart my course of life.

As I shared my story, my journey, a student asked why I would choose to give up the “traditional monikers of success” living in NYC, earning big money to live back in Shawnee, little ole, Oklahoma, America? He sincerely wanted to know why I would choose Shawnee over the NYC lifestyle I was living? Seemingly no notoriety or money and no fame or fortune awaited me in Shawnee when I was living the “dream” of NYC media life. Maybe there was a time I thought those were the marks of success too.

His question is exactly the point of The Ten Commandments of #SuccessWithoutApology. This question is the VERY reason I wrote the book and live the life I live. I chose to give up the idea of the traditional success monikers. I live everyday to share with others that their version of success is unique and it is okay. As a matter of fact it is more than okay, it is the best version of success.

As I reconnect with this blog and my podcast, let me refresh you of my mission. It is my mission to encourage you to pursue your version of success and to not apologize for it. I want you to own your success and to stand proudly that you are doing it your way, for your reasons.

I believe a few key moments in March of 2016 changed my destiny and I woke up and chose my own version of success. Do you recall certain triggers that changed your destination? And from the mouth of the college student, What may have you given up in the “traditional” path of success to do it your way?

May you be encouraged in this crazy COVID year to explore your very own version of success and do so without apology.

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Books, Movies, and Stuff, Inner Success, Outward Success

I Am An Author

“Write. Rewrite. When not writing or rewriting, read. I know of no shortcuts.”
—Larry L. King, WD

Amen to that Larry!

It has taken me almost two years to hear the words, Congratulations, your book is published.  Today, I announce that I am now a published author and books will be available soon.  While I may not have my biography presented on goodreads or Wikipedia, I will now state that I am an author on my resume.  I wrote, rewrote, erased, read more, rewrote, and then rewrote again.  It took time.  It caused tears and it was hard.  It may have been the hardest project I have ever undertaken.  But, it is finished.  I am published!

Those of you who have been reading this blog while I worked on the book, you know some of my story.  You know I want the women of today’s world to be empowered to voice their opinion, to do success their own way, and to stop fearing rejection.  With this book, I am a student of my own advice.  (Though scary), I will not fear rejection.  I will not apologize for my opinions and my vision.  I have laid them out for everyone to criticize or to love, and I am okay with either one.

Thank you to everyone who has helped along the way, and thank you to my girlfriends who gave me the courage to commit my words to writing.   Help me change the world by ordering a book and sharing the message.

 

 

 

 

 

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Inner Success, Outward Success

Mentorship Is My Purpose

The year is 1995, and I, Rachael Row, enter the WMU dorms on the campus of Oklahoma Baptist University to begin the pursuit of purpose.  I am a stranger on this campus, unfamiliar with the town or the school, but ready to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Fast forward four years through the track and field career and a Health and Physical Education & Recreation degree, and the entrepreneurial journey begins.  A few career changes, some life experience, and a network of professionals from around the world, and believe it or nor, I am on purpose more than ever!

Because I know who I am and exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life, I will walk back onto the Oklahoma Baptist University campus, this time as a mentor. I am going to share my understanding of my purpose and my personal brand to young women who are finishing the final leg of their college journey.

Tomorrow night I will use and share my gifts and talents. I have been asked to, not only be a mentor for this year, but also to speak at the inaugural kick off dinner of Lydia’s Lamp Mentorship program for young women on campus.  I am very honored to be a leader in the program, which has been titled in honor of Lydia, the influential and successful businesswoman mentioned only two times in the Bible.

Lydia met Paul and Silas while they were in Philippi and she took time out of her busy schedule to listen to them.  After listening and accepting the gospel, she persuaded Paul and Silas to stay in her home, according to Acts 16:15.  Lydia may have been the first Gentile converted to Christianity in Europe and she may also have been the first businesswoman to open her home as a worship center for European Christians.  Lydia, like women of today, was both a domestic and corporate goddesses.

When speaking to the young women who have entered this mentor program, I will challenge them to grow their personal brand and to grow their network – intentionally and without apology.  You see I am so blessed to have had great mentors early in my career who prepared me to live out my purpose.  I am meant to carry that forward and to mentor other women.  Everything I have done, leading up to this day, has been to prepare me for the role of mentor.  Over the last couple weeks, as I prepared for this presentation, I have been so lucky to have heard from a few wonderful women, whom I have mentored, and am abundantly proud of!

Kara, from New York City, made a significant life decision to step away from the corporate chase to raise her child and support her husband.  Fhionna, from Oklahoma, moved half way across the country to pursue her search for meaning and purpose.  And Shannon, now in Chicago, whom I met eight years ago on this same OBU campus, mailed a heart warming thank you note to me. She thanked me for the mentorship I provided her as she progressed through college and later took a leap of faith joining a start up business. I am so blessed by the success of these young women.

Tomorrow I want to do my best, not only for the women listening live, but also to honor those girls who have trusted me for years as their mentor and friend.  As my mentees grow up, take on the world in their own way, my universe of friendship and network expands.  I want to remind women that if you have “made it” be sure you are mentoring others, if you are on the way, bring someone with you, and if are just beginning – find a mentor and build relationships with those that have come before you.

Every mentorship expands your sphere of influence.  And research suggests that one of the largest indicators of a woman’s success is her network.  So you see, mentorship, networking, and success go hand in hand! #GoForthAndMentor

 

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Admiration, Outward Success, Uncategorized

His Success At My Expense

What a crazy month it has been since the first post and the launch of this site.  Incredibly, each day someone has expressed what this message means to them.  Yesterday it was a seamstress, the day before it was an author, and on Monday it was a stylist. The affirmations and the personal stories are amazing – please keep them coming!

The story that ignited the greatest reflection for me was from my very own stylist in my salon.  This story personally tugs at my heart strings (and my purse strings).

In my salon I have 9 stylist who do hair, and each week they pay a booth rent for their space.  All of the stylists have done hair for decades and they are a great group.  The salon industry in our city is very competitive and we have an amazing salon.  However, stylist don’t tend to have a loyalty to me because I don’t personally cut hair.  It’s okay, I don’t apologize for that.  I try to provide the cleanest, most cost-effective, high end environment for them and then let them run their show.  I think they like it that way.

In our salon, one particular man, Michael is infamous.  To some he is infamously great with hair, infamously boisterous or just down-right interesting to watch.  People like Michael. I like Michael.  Michael’s big frame and loud laugh exudes confidence and strength, but each woman who sits in his chair knows his story and understands his tenderness.

Michael’s ladies love how he dotes on them and calls them sweety.  I also felt welcomed by him when I became the new owner.  He publicly encouraged me and thanked me (for doing my best, not necessarily for doing THE best) and I appreciated his accolades.

This week; however, his compliments were a double edged sword.  Michael met with me privately and expressed his appreciation for successwithoutapology.com and my attitude of unapologetic success – and failure.  He told me he had really thought about the recent post, It Can’t Be Just About You, and had discussed it with his wife.  He was finally going to take a big giant step of faith and I had encouraged him to do so without the fear of failing.

You may have guessed it, but at nearly 60 years old he was inspired to go out on his own.  He wanted to try and own his own salon. He quoted my blog post to me, thanked me for the hard work over the last year, and then through scared eyes he gave me his notice.  (Insert ohNOOOOO here)

I am not sure if I was slightly misty-eyed or he was, but the moment was gratifying, yet painful.  In a month, Michael will have his own salon.  He will be my friendly “competition” in the market and he will try this thing we call small business ownership for the very first time. It is exciting for him.  It is sad for my salon. #InspireLeadersDaily #ItStartsAtHome #MyPainHisFutureGain

As I told him, I believe my mission and purpose is to encourage all people to succeed at the highest level they desire and to strive to use all of their God-given potential.   The salon I own is not just a brick and mortar building for earning money, it is a facade for mentorship.  If I cannot be happy and supportive for one of my own, then I can’t spread this message around the country with clear conscience.  I believe Michael can do great things and I know I will invite a new “michael” into our salon to mentor and encourage.

So today’s message is one for the mentors. If you are a great mentor, remember your goal is for your people to succeed as their very best self.  Sometimes when they do, they may even become a competitor.  #AndThatsOkay

Tom Peters, an American writer on business management practices is quoted as saying, “Leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders.”

Today a new leader is born and for that I am encouraged.  #GoMichaelGo  Thank you and keep reading the blog.  My audience will love hearing from you in a year from now.  You can tell us about your success, without apology.

 

@Attitude’s Salon

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Inner Success, Outward Success, Uncategorized

Beyonce’ Sings My Thoughts

 

Sometimes my thoughts come out in Beyonce’s songs and I am not sure how that happens.  Most recently, her song Flawless, brashly and aggressively paints the picture of our twisted support of successful women.  Here are a few of the lyrics that were PG enough for me to post.

We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girlsImage_woman_shame
“You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man”

Society wants women to be successful, but not so successful they outshine men, hmmm. We all know this.  We may not want to know this – but we do. We, ambitious women, know it before we are able to articulate it. Academic research, to a certain extent, confirms our instincts.  And a great blog post , written by Rebecca Ruiz earlier this year, confirms no one is immune to these cultural barriers, not even world famous celebrities like Taylor Swift.

With the actions of Kanye and other male chauvinist men aside, why are women, like me and you, not taking credit for our day-to-day accomplishments? Why do women not receive the necessary credit for their own success?  In a single word: Judgement.  We want the success, but the judgement is real and it hurts.  So we deflect the success and the credit to avoid the judgement.

I was sitting around visiting with friends when a woman shared with me that she does not ever mention the fact that she earned a law degree around her work peers because in her experience if she has mentioned it, she felt judged and almost shunned her for her higher education.  #ItsRealPeople #WomenJudgeWomen

How do we stop the judgement?  It starts with us! We must stop judging each other.  Here are two scenarios and I want you to see yourself listening in each conversation.

Scenario 1: You are in town for a couple days and decide to catch up with an old college girlfriend. When she talks about her career and the travel required for her job, how do you respond?  What questions come to mind to ask her or to further the conversation?  Admit it, you want to ask if she ever sees her children, or how her husband handles being home alone so much.  You may even ask, how do possibly get any rest?

Scenario 2: Have you ever sat across from a man who talked of his success and thought to ask him how his wife felt about having to be the sole parent while he traveled?   No, more likely, you thought, wow he must make great money.  I bet his wife and kids are set and don’t have to work.  That’s more “normal.”

I have been guilty of this for decades, and I am committed to stop judging.  I know women can succeed and they can accept the credit for their hard work, without feeling guilty.  Can you accept the credit for your accomplishments, degrees or salary?

When your children show great respect, take credit for great parenting!  When you are told what a great teacher you are, say thank you.  When you lead a team through the execution of a project that earns the company millions of dollars, accept the accolades.  When you earn a huge bonus – gloat.  🙂 Do not shrink yourself.

For our children and for all women who want to succeed after you, please take credit for your success. Little girls and young women need to see women who receive credit for their accomplishments.  Accept the credit, and the judgement for the evolution of our society.

Do it now.  Change begins with you and your time is now.  Steve Jobs has a quote I’d like to use to encourage an urgency. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Follow your heart.  Expect the judgement. Accept the credit. Create a legacy.  #successwithoutapology

 

 

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