Inner Success, Outward Success, Uncategorized

Beyonce’ Sings My Thoughts

 

Sometimes my thoughts come out in Beyonce’s songs and I am not sure how that happens.  Most recently, her song Flawless, brashly and aggressively paints the picture of our twisted support of successful women.  Here are a few of the lyrics that were PG enough for me to post.

We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girlsImage_woman_shame
“You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man”

Society wants women to be successful, but not so successful they outshine men, hmmm. We all know this.  We may not want to know this – but we do. We, ambitious women, know it before we are able to articulate it. Academic research, to a certain extent, confirms our instincts.  And a great blog post , written by Rebecca Ruiz earlier this year, confirms no one is immune to these cultural barriers, not even world famous celebrities like Taylor Swift.

With the actions of Kanye and other male chauvinist men aside, why are women, like me and you, not taking credit for our day-to-day accomplishments? Why do women not receive the necessary credit for their own success?  In a single word: Judgement.  We want the success, but the judgement is real and it hurts.  So we deflect the success and the credit to avoid the judgement.

I was sitting around visiting with friends when a woman shared with me that she does not ever mention the fact that she earned a law degree around her work peers because in her experience if she has mentioned it, she felt judged and almost shunned her for her higher education.  #ItsRealPeople #WomenJudgeWomen

How do we stop the judgement?  It starts with us! We must stop judging each other.  Here are two scenarios and I want you to see yourself listening in each conversation.

Scenario 1: You are in town for a couple days and decide to catch up with an old college girlfriend. When she talks about her career and the travel required for her job, how do you respond?  What questions come to mind to ask her or to further the conversation?  Admit it, you want to ask if she ever sees her children, or how her husband handles being home alone so much.  You may even ask, how do possibly get any rest?

Scenario 2: Have you ever sat across from a man who talked of his success and thought to ask him how his wife felt about having to be the sole parent while he traveled?   No, more likely, you thought, wow he must make great money.  I bet his wife and kids are set and don’t have to work.  That’s more “normal.”

I have been guilty of this for decades, and I am committed to stop judging.  I know women can succeed and they can accept the credit for their hard work, without feeling guilty.  Can you accept the credit for your accomplishments, degrees or salary?

When your children show great respect, take credit for great parenting!  When you are told what a great teacher you are, say thank you.  When you lead a team through the execution of a project that earns the company millions of dollars, accept the accolades.  When you earn a huge bonus – gloat.  🙂 Do not shrink yourself.

For our children and for all women who want to succeed after you, please take credit for your success. Little girls and young women need to see women who receive credit for their accomplishments.  Accept the credit, and the judgement for the evolution of our society.

Do it now.  Change begins with you and your time is now.  Steve Jobs has a quote I’d like to use to encourage an urgency. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Follow your heart.  Expect the judgement. Accept the credit. Create a legacy.  #successwithoutapology

 

 

Standard
Inner Success, Outward Success

Are You Unfairly Labeled Bossy?

Screenshot 2016-07-20 23.34.31.png

“I think putting labels on people is just an easy way of marketing something you don’t understand.”  Adam Jones

Speaking of marketing, check out Pantene’s  commercial about labels on men and women. Pantene brings to life the quote of Mr. Jones by demonstrating how quickly we label women unfairly.  We are guilty of unfairly labeling women in leadership roles because we are ignorant of the complexity of their work, emotions, and vulnerability.   Have you ever been mislabeled bossy, when only being a stern boss?  I have for sure!

The best thing I have learned over the years is to be honest with yourself about your personality quirks and other peoples’ perceptions/labels of you, even if you feel they are incorrect. Recognize how others label you and more importantly be able to communicate how you would like to be described.  If you can label yourself properly, it will often help others understand you better.  For example, in brainstorming sessions I remind stakeholders in the room, “Hey I am in sales – sometimes I don’t know how to have a conversation without selling my ideas or thoughts.  It doesn’t mean I am right or that I am absolutely sold on my own idea, I just can’t help but sell you when it comes out of my mouth.”  So the next thing I tell them is, “Don’t let me SELL you on a policy or an idea if you know I am wrong.”  And I mean it.  By stating this up front, I may not appear as pushy or dominant as we contemplate the various ideas.

This video is a reminder to me that some labels are accurate and some just wrong!  So regardless of the label, be aware of the fact that you are being labeled.  Don’t hide from the labels, but rather face them and choose to own them, correct them, or live up to them.

I used to be labeled as bossy, but over the years I have learned to change people’s perception to think of me more as a delegator.   🙂 No really it is true, friends say  I delegate better than anyone they know.  I figured out how to change what I say from: “Mike – go get the rental car for our trip” to something like “Mike, since you are arriving earlier would you mind picking up the rental car for us?”  Ahhhh – all in the delivery ladies, all in the delivery.

So let me encourage you to make note of the labels people have on you.  Decide whether you like those labels or want to change them; decide if they are within your control to change or not.  I didn’t like being bossy, so I worked on my delivery.  I own the fact that I am salesy, so I educate those around me to not let that get us in trouble.

How do you handle the labels?  Please – take the time to tell me about a label that has been placed on you.  Tell me – how did you handle it?  Did you own it, fight it, or work to change it?  I truly want to know!

Standard
Admiration, Inner Success, Outward Success

You Never Know Who is Watching

“Always do the right thing.  Then hope the right person is watching you at the right time when you are doing the right thing.”  This is something I tell people who are hoping to be noticed or promoted.  It is great business advice, and I coined this phrase in my officiating profession, but use most often in the business arena. Throughout my posts I will share business lessons and mentoring take-aways gained both on the basketball court and in my businesses. Today’s illustration highlights why you should always assume someone is watching you.

Image

A few summers ago I was at an officiating camp, working too many games in too few days. During a full time-out, I was standing midway up the lane line. According to our CCA Manual, that’s not where I should have been standing, and I knew this. My partner was an older woman who was not a great official, but I had heard she continued to come to camp each year to learn.  This year I was at camp to be hired, but I missed an opportunity because I was not doing the right thing during a time out.

After the time out, a clinician informed me the older official went to her end of the court during the time-out and then she kind of stalled and waited to see where I stood along the lane line and then she stood at the exact same place on her end of the court. (DangItJim!) Now we had a game of Monkey-see Monkey-do and this monkey was in the wrong stinkin’ spot!!

I was so disappointed in myself.  Not for being caught, but because I was not doing what I knew to be right!  Thomas Jefferson is quoted for saying, “Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching.” As if the World were watching, WOW!  For those who don’t know, in the world of officiating I have learned that someone is ALWAYS watching and they may very well TELL THE WORLD if they feel it will effect your career. In this camp scenario my positioning didn’t hurt anything, but I still got caught taking a short cut and not being a model official.

As I was reflecting on this, I read a blog written for high school athletes, coaches, players, and fans. He wrote a blog after sitting with several college coaches as they evaluated talent at a very good high school baseball tournament. He ended his post with this:

If you think that college coaches and professional scouts do not notice the “little things” you are mistaken. As one coach told me …. “We have to pay attention to each of the intangibles, it is the only real separator between some of these guys.” He went on to explain that each recruiting year they will have several players on their board that are essentially equal in athletic skills and ability. What then makes the difference is the “Little Things.”

So the next time you think that it doesn’t matter how you hustle or present yourself maybe you should revisit that part of your game. As another coach told me … “A player can hustle and give his maximum effort even on a day when he and/or his team is not playing their best game. It doesn’t take any athletic ability to hustle.”

You Never Know Who Is Watching

As the time comes at the end of the year we may be doing personnel reviews or we may be spending our holiday time and we must remember there is always someone watching! It will be the little things that separate us from the average. Go ahead commit to do the right thing – ALL THE TIME.

I am going to referee every game with the attitude “as if all the world were watching.” And as I mentor my young business partner, I don’t want to let him down.  If you are caught doing one of the “little things” this year, post it. Tell me about it.  I will be proud of you.

Standard